Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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