We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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