They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
