And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize