We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize