Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
