in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
