there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
