I just gift wrapped bread.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
