So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
