If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
