So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
