I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
