Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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