i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
