I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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