I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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