His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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