i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
