pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
