I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
