PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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