I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
