OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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