We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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