Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
