i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
