Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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