I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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