it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
