i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
