Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
