I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
