To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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