I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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