i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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