As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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