You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My dick has a subreddit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
