I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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