thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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