I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
