Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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