I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
