omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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