Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
