Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
