I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
