Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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