3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
