i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
