i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize