So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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