No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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