remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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