I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
