please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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