you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
