dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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