Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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