why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
