I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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