take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
