I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
