I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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