YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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