At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
