weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
