she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
