well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
