You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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