you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
