he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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